The rage gets to my fingertips and passes. Some inner poison slowly spreading through my limbs, and when it gets to my fingertips I am going to jump out of my chair, spilling the Scrabble tiles over the floor, and I am going to start hitting her again and again and again. I feel a terrible rage build up inside me. She sits back down with a heavy sigh and starts fiddling with her letters again. I play ZAPS, with the Z doubled, and she gets a static shock off the air conditioning unit. It's the hottest day for ten years and my wife is turning on the kettle. She plays FAN, with the F on a double-letter, and gets up to fill the kettle and turn on the air conditioning. The U makes a little splash of saliva when I put it down. HUMID on a double-word score, using the D of JINXED. As soon as that thought crosses my mind, I find a good word. If it wasn't too hot to move I would strangle her right now. She plays SWEATIER, using all her letters. I hope that if they are bees, they fly into my wife's throat. My cousin Harold swallowed a bee when he was nine, his throat swelled up and he died. The heat of the sun is pushing at me through the window.

If they spell out KILL, or STAB, or her name, or anything, I'll do it right now. I play WARMER for 22 points, mainly so I can keep chewing on my U.ДЄs I'm picking new letters from the bag, I find myself thinking - the letters will tell me what to do. If only I had a D, then I could play MURDER. She plays JINXED, with the J on a double-letter score. I'd be sailing the Vendee Globe on a 60-foot clipper called the New Horizons - I don't know, but I'd be doing something. I'd be starring in the latest Hollywood blockbuster. If she wasn't around, I'd be doing something interesting right now. I watch my wife's smug expression as she rearranges her letters. On Thursday morning I spoke to the milkman. I don't think I've spoken to anyone except my wife since Thursday morning.

I should be out, doing exercise, spending money, meeting people. I'm 42 years old, it's a blistering hot Sunday afternoon and all I can think of to do with my life is to play Scrabble.

Charlie murder free